I don’t like politics. And I like the people involved in them even less. No one in their right mind would ever become a politician. All politicians are crooked with horrible morals. And no, I don’t care if you think that “not all politicians are bad”. That line of thinking is flawed. Why? Because even though that is true, that there are some politicians who are genuinely good people, it doesn’t matter. If you know their name, they’re crooked. Simple as that. Especially if they’re nationally known. No one gets to the top in the political game without compromising their morals and if you don’t believe that then you’re just as naive as all of the nameless “decent” politicians out there.

I promised myself I would never do a political post on here. I try to keep politics to myself because I don’t just hate politics itself, I also hate arguing them. But this. This is different. This goes beyond politics. It was recently revealed that the U.S. military had Bin Laden in their sights (you know, the guy behind the terrorist attacks that killed 3000+ innocent people about 8 years ago) and let him go. Well, okay, they didn’t entirely let him go. They did randomly bomb the surrounding area and send in the still untrained Afgan army after him while keeping the much better trained and equipped American forces on the sidelines which allowed the terrorist leader to escape into Pakistan where he was able to avoid getting caught ever since. So yeah. Way to go us.

But who’s to blame for this stupidity? Who else. The people we’ve been blaming for the past 8 years: The Bush Administration. Now I’m not a Bush basher but I will admit that he was the worst president we’ve had since Carter. Why? Because he gave the post of Secretary of War to Donald “Dumbfuck” Rumsfeld. Rumsfeld is an idiot. He had the opprotunity to catch this terrorist maniac within months of 9/11 and let him go to avoid creating a “symbolic figure” among the terrorists in the middle east. Guess what jerkwad, he ALREADY is one! He’s the goddamn leader of al-Queda. He’s a fucking hero over there because he’s one of the generals who fought off the fucking Russians in the 80s. He’s like their George Washington.

I mean come on, we captured Saddam “Fatfuck” Huessin and he wasn’t even a threat to us. But the guy who is a threat, the guy who was the first to attack us in over 60 years? We let him go. Way to go us.

It’s shit like this that only proves that those qualified to run a country would never do it.

I’m sick and tired of hearing things from uptight, short-sighted, narrow-minded hypocrites.

Okay so I’ve been hearing about this here and there throughout the day. Mostly on Twitter. In fact, I only heard about it on Twitter. I had no idea what it was about as I was too lazy to actually look it up but my curiosity finally got the best of me and I headed over to the Beeb to check it out. I was somewhat disappointed in this so-called “Balloon Boy”.

I was hoping for a sequel to 2001’s smash hit “Bubble Boy”.

Sadly this was not what the news story was about in the slightest.

Apparently some kid was thought be stuck in some helium balloon that was adrift up amongst the clouds for a few hours or so. Also, the news decided this was a quote unquote “BIG FKING DEAL” so they evidently covered the shit live until it was over.
Here’s the M. Night Shyamalan twist to the whole thing (WARNING: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS!!!!!): the boy was just hiding in the attic the whole time.

Why was he in the attic? I dunno. Maybe Trey Parker and Matt Stone made fun of his religion and he was throwing a one boy pouting session until he could work up the courage to sue them. (Is that reference dated? Who cares?)

Anyways, I didn’t even know this was actually going on until like twenty minutes ago. But I knew it was obviously breaking news when Katy Perry was Tweeting about it. And yes. I follow Katy Perry on Twitter. Shut up.

So yeah. What’s the moral to this story? Is it that parents should watch their kids? Is it that kids shouldn’t be retarded and stop screwing around with weather balloons? Does the media waste people’s time with pointless stories about nothing?
And who’s to blame, really?
Certainly not the parents. They named their kid Falcon. They can do whatever the fuck they want with the kid. Hell, this kid already has the potential to blow up a whole fking galaxy just by having that name.

We should worship this kid.

Laterz.

Well butter my thighs and call me Debbie!  We haven’t seen the last of those silly pirates!

They’re making a 4th Pirates of the Caribbean!

Color me excited, folks.  Color me very excited.

But Zach, you say, the last two movies sucked huge donkey nads!

Why yes, yes they did Billy.  But do you know why, son?

Gee willikers Captain America, I don’t know!  Is it because Jerry Bruckheimer only makes shitty movies?

Hah-hah.  You’re right, Bruckheimer should have been aborted.  No, what really killed the movies were all the other characters.  Nobody wanted to see that pretty boy elf or the tart he ran around with or the British captain guy or anybody else that wasn’t an actual pirate.

Golly.

You said it Hank.  No go practice your duck and cover drills.

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Man I am so glad I don’t live in South Africa. That place just seems like a horrible place from all the things I keep hearing about it. I mean it got invaded by aliens a few weeks ago. How much would that suck? Plus that place is already rife with political and racial strife. How much worse could this place get?

Oh it gets worse. Yes. The rumors are true.

The internet in South Africa sucks eggs. Big time. And I’m not joking (though it is supremely hilarious).

And yes, this is true. The Beeb said so and they’ve never lied to us before have they? (The answer is no…ish.)

“But!” I hear you exclaim in protest. “How slow is the internet in South Africa?”

And I answer with a smug smile and knowing glance, “Slower than a pigeon”.

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So Oasis is breaking up. For real this time. For those of you not in the know Oasis was a hugely popular group in the early to mid-90s that kinda slid off under the radar in America but has remained well-known in Britain. They are essentially the 90s equivalent to The Beatles (their words, not mine). But what does this mean to you?

Well, nothing if you don’t listen to them.

But if you do listen to them or at least liked them at some point then it might be somewhat relevant to the musical side of your life. Now before I get into the actual breakup I feel like a recap of their career is needed (for padding, if nothing else).

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No, not that guy.  Stop bringing that movie up.  It’s an abortion to good comic writing.  I’m sick of hearing about it.

I mean THIS Rorschach.

The Hermann one.

He probably never killed a man, but he certainly strikes me as looking similar to another murderous bastard I can think of…

… I’m getting off topic here.

Hermann Rorschach.  The namesake.  Splattering since before Pollack picked up a paint bucket.  His name has come back into the news recently.  Seems like the psychological establishment is all in a huff that a Dr. James Heilman posted the original 10 inkblot cards, along with common responses to them.  They say that having the test, and (more importantly) an insight into the metrics behind scoring the validity runs the risk of rendering the entire test moot by teaching would-be takers how to ‘game’ the system.

Well, in an effort to prove them right, I’m here to publish my own cheat sheet of sorts.  Schizophrenic?  Pathologically violent?  Serial sex offender?  We’ve got all the ‘right’ answers you need to get you out of state custody and back out on the streets.

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